NAIROBI COUNTY DRAMA

Movie Title:Nairobi county 'The Series'
Starring :Mike Mbuvi Sonko
Featuring :Rachael Shebesh and Evans Kidero
Charges :a television

If you love dramas then you can never get bored with our Nairobi politicians and their controversial lifestyles!

Episode 1;The Slap
First it was governor Kidero slapping Nairobi Women's rape.Well thirty minutes after Kidero had slapped Racheal Shebesh he had amnesia,he told the media that he could not remember anything even though it was caught on Camera.The matter was settle out of court.

Episode 2:The Photos Edition
Then there was the photos that just appeared on the internet.They showed Sonko and Shebesh in a more than 'just friends' situation.Both politicians denied being romantic.

Episode 3:The photo-shop
First it was Kenyan socialite Huddah Monroe who confused Nelson Mandela and Bethwel Kiplagat.She posted Bethewl Kiplagat's photo and added a caption saying 'R.I.P Nelson Mandela.Some 'wise-men' said that if you want to hide something from Huddah then put it in a book,she will never find it.No one can out do sonko,he photo-shopped his photo with Nelson.

Episode 4:Sonko's Dress Code
Sonko went to say goodbye to the Chinese Prime minister dressed in a 'unfinished' jeans.It was in state house Nairobi .Its normal to see him in blings and all kinds of teenage boys dress codes.He once went to parliament dressed in shorts.

Episode 5:The man's people
As houses were being demolished in South B guess who saved the day,Sonko.The interesting thing is that he called the president and put him on loudspeaker in front of the media and the public.The president had to order a minister to stop the demolitions.

Episode 6:Sonko's lifestyle
Sonko's home phone looks like a naked lady in a bra and bikini.He is also known for giving cash carelessly.For instance he said any criminal who returns a gun gets Ksh 50,000,As the Madaraka Mp he bought geometrical sets for all national examination candidate,promises Ksh10,000 for every candidate who got an A and provided for their lunch in Cash.Handouts and sonko go together

Episode 7 :One Man's meat.....
After Kidero election was nullified,Sonko posted a video of him dancing to celebrate.At the end of the video he says 'Wacha nitumie uhuru(the President).

Episode 8:Love gone sour?
It might seems like that.Right now mike mbuvi sonko and Racheal Shebesh are not seeing eye to eye.The other night there was the confrontation at carribean club where Shebesh's body guard had to shoot in there air after she was allegedly attacked by Sonko and his supporters.Sonko paid the club's manager Ksh 300,000 for the damages.

Episode 9:Coming soon
Where there is Sonko there is drama.Lets wait and see,Since am a generous man I give him a month.

#babawhileyouwereaway

#Babawhileyouwereaway. Willy paul
confused his blood group with kcse
results
Raila Odinga is coming back from the U.S.A where he has been for the last three months.Kenyans on twitter decided to humurously tell him what has been happening while he was away under (hashtag) #babawhileyouwereaway.Here are some of them
# BABA while u were away, the
somali govt started vacating its
citizens bck to somali coz of
insecurity in Kenya
# babawhileyouwereaway Elani realeased a song "kuku" kufika western ikakuwa beats tupu..... #babawhileyouwereaway embu
county speaker lost himself and
found himself again
#babawhileyouwereaway,China bought
Kenya 4 only 300k.....we are
finished....
#Babawhileyouwereaway Chinesse
came and changed everything from
Ochieng to Ochi Yeng!
#babawhileyouwereaway
sonko acted
an action movie instead of
Romance.
#babawhileyouraway
we paid the
Anglo Leasing 1.4billion through
MPESA lakini wakasema tutume
3.4billion ya kutoa"
#babawhileyouwereaway
landlord wangu
alipandisha rent but i kidnaped him
tukasort things maturely now am ok
# babawhileyouwereaway alshabab
started playing golf with grenades
# Whileyouwereaway makaburi went
back to his residence makaburi
# Babawhileyouwereaway first lady
went to Londonmarathon...the
presidentfelt very lonely and
signedthe marriage bill"
# Babawhileyouwereaway the insecurity rose to the point that Kenyan ladies no longer have safe days. #babawhileyouwereaway
kimaiyo burned all rallies  including safari rally and rally madowo

Funny Cheating Billboards

Its polite to open a door for a woman BUT make sure you leave a leg out to trip her and tell her this is not 1960s.Well former harambee star goalkeeper would not do that,he apologised to his wife on a newspaper. On a Ksh2000 advert.The picture of the advert is here for you to see.
The reason for the apology is not yet clear despite the rumours circulating. Most people think Onyiso cheated while the most talked about rumour is that He had called a radio station and said that he had not meant to marry the wife.
Can a wife do that for her husband?I don't think so. Here is an advert a wife had made for her husband,it reads
“Michael- GPS
Tracker — $250, Nikon Camera
with zoom lens — $1600, Catching
my LYING HUSBAND and buying
this billboard with our investment
account – Priceless. Tell Jessica
you’re moving in! – Jennifer another one from a wife to a husband reads ''Hi Steven, Do I have your attention now? I know all about her, you dirty, sneaky, immoral, unfaithful, poorly endowed slimeball. Everything's caught on tape. Your [soon-to-be- ex] Wife, Emily.") .”

KILLER BREWS-conspiracy to get rid of drunkards?

Please dig your own grave and go for your death certificate if you are the kind of person who likes experimenting all kinds of new liquors! What did we peaceful drunks do to deserve this kind of treatment?
last year there was the 'sisters of deaths' who made alcohol from ARVs.The saddest thing about this is they had packed their concotion in bottles with labels of napoleon(this is where they got me) and Kenya cane having the KEBS mark of quality.Atleast this was healthy. *sacarstic
Countryman which killed over 200 people and left many others drunk had about 75% methanols. That is enough to shutter all vital body organs.Yet again it had the KEBS mark of quality.
Yes am blaming the Kenya Bureau of Standard for everything;they are responsible for global warming,they are responsible for the killer brew,they are responsinle for Solange beating Jay Z and they are responsible for letting killers use there labels to assure Kenyans that there poison is safe.Go home KEBS, you are drunk.

TOP TEN UNLUCKIEST/LUCKIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD

1.Roy sullivan(7 lighting strikes) 
The probability of being hit by lighting is 1 in 3000 that's not that bad right?Being hit 7times on the other hand is 1 in 22,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000!!!!!!!Well lightning just loves this man,he has been struck 7 times.The last time he was struck was some how hilarious.He was struck by lighting while fishing and yet he had enough strength 2 fight with a bear over a fish! a true 'Luopean' 

2.Jason n jenny(3 terrorist attacks while on holiday)
 If you are planning to go on a vacation this are the couples you must avoid at all cost.well they were at the September 11th world trade center attack while on vacation,just unlucky maybe!While on another vacation in London,guess what happened?The July 5th 2005 London terrorist attack happened,that's now suspicious!In 2008 the mumbai terrorist attack occurred,guess who were on vacation?Jenny and Jason! 

3.Costis(entire village wins lottery except one)
 In spain there is a lottery that happens every year know as El Gordo 'the fat one'!70 households participated and won $950,000,000(divide by 70) except one unlucky household! This really hurts

4.John Lyne(16 major accidents) 
John has a mind blowing C.V when it comes to accidents.They include:a lightning strike,a rock falling on him on a mine,3 car crashes,a stone from a catapult hitting him on the mouth resulting in 8 missing teeth among others! He even once broke his arm and on his way to the hospital the bus he was in had an accident and he broke the same arm,just on a different part! 

 5.Melanie Martinez(lost 5 houses to hurricanes)
 Melanie was unlucky when she lost a house to hurricane Betsy in 1965,then hurricanes Juan and George followed in 1985 and 1995! By now she must have realized she was unlucky,then hurricane Katrina followed in 2005!She thought her lack changed when she qualified for extreme makeover! After getting her house renovated hurricane Isaac came knocking!Pure bad luck
.
 6.Major summerford(4 lighting strikes) 
The first lighting strike was when he was riding a horse.Well after the first strike Summerfold retired.While fishing as a retiree he went fishing and that's when lighting struck the tree he was sitting under injuring him in 1924! 6 years later while walking on a park he realized lightning was not done with him,another strike!Two years later summerford died.Well lightning did not think so because it later struck his grave to show him whose boss. 

7.Violet Jesop(3 major ship sinks) She was a steward in titanic's sister ship the Olympic which collided with a warship and sunk. She thought the ship might by unlucky and moved to another ship ;the ship was titanic!After escaping that accident she moved on as a nurse to another ship the Britannic. The Britannic later floated into a mine and sunk.She survived this one to and died in 1972 due to congestive heart failure! 

8.Ann Elizabeth Hodgers(hit by a meteorite) 
She is the only women or man in history who has ever been hit by a meteorite.She later realised that she had a fortune but lost it as everyone wanted a piece of it. 

9.Yamaguchi(two nuke attacks) 
 Yamaguchi an engineer was visiting Hiroshima and at 8:15 the first bomb fell. Yamagachi survived.He was moving on a train to Nagaski and when he was 2 miles away at 11.02 guess you know what happened.

10.Frane Selake(the guy who won't die) The Grimm ripper could not get one over this guy! In 1962 Frane was in a train from Sarajevo to Dubrovnik when an accident occurred killing 17 passengers but he only got a broken arm.In 1963 while in a plane from Zagreb to Ruereka the door blew from the cockpit forcing him out of the plane.He miraculously survived when more than 10 people died.In 1966 a bus crashes and plunged into a river four people died our man survives.1970 he escapes before a faulty foul pump engulf his car into flames. In 1973 he escapes another car accident with minor injuries and in 1995 he is hit a city bus!In 1996 he drove off a cliff and landed on a tree while his car exploded 300metres a way.In 2003 guess who wins $1000000 in a lottery

It is hard to decide whether this people are lucky or unlucky except for Costis.Lucky or unlucky is just personal opinion.

TERROR ALERT!(humour)

APART FROM TINTED WINDOWS, THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVES WERE MADE IN ORDER TO CURB TERRORISM .. 
1. Anybody found drinking guiness, kingfisher, cellar cask, and any other drink whose bottle is tinted will have his or her drink impounded. People should drink bluemoon, chang'aa, countryman and kibao etc to avoid chances of terrorism. 
2. Ladies found preferring tall, DARK, and handsome men will be impounded forthwith. To curb terrorism, ladies must prefer tall, BROWN and handsome men. Under this directive therefore, the government through the ministry of internal security will offer free bleaches to men who are potential suspects. Such dark men must be hiding explosives under their skin. 
3. Anybody found in possession of a black and white tv set with coloured screens will have their tvs impounded.
 4. Anybody found with sun glasses will have them impounded. What explosives are you hiding in your eyes?? 
5. Any kenyan who has dark hair must visit the nearest police station and surrender that hair to avoid being impounded. Kenyans must be blonde to curb terrorism.
 6. Darkness has been banned. It is a criminal offence to tell someone goodnight at night. If you wish to tell someone goodnight say it during a clear day when the sun is up to reduce chances of terrorism. 
 7. Switching off the lights in your house will be taken as a terrorist activity. Leave the lights on to reduce cases of terrorism. #stay clear, avoid dark things, be an anti­ terrorist!
8. In addition to that,if you have a darkside, black eye or if you find yourself in a dark corner then you are a suspect!

AROMAT ADVERT

'Githeri inabore but with aromat its unbelievable'. This aromat advert is now trending in Kenya. Anything that has transformed over time is now associated with aromat. The creative kenyans as usual are busy editing pictures and here are some of them